Mike Caputo

found a pic of my brother's bike!

Monday 22nd Apr 2024

Not a great pic, but at least I have it. Still looking for one of him on it..

Quiet Cool

Monday 1st Apr 2024

Monday 1st Apr 2024

Some people are independent, maybe the kind of person who likes doing things unsupervised, or prefers to be alone and work alone or just be ahead of the pack - not for competive reasons but just because it's less chaotic, or maybe they’re just a little more reserved and quiet. Personality types like this often…ride motorcycles.

But no one needs a study to know that people like this are less likely to ask for help when they need it.

The strength of the DGR and the Movember foundation lies in its ability to connect people - people struggling to cope on one side, and people that have learned how to cope on the other, and bringing them together. For the most part, regardless of personality type, people want to help others, especially when they see someone struggling with something they’ve struggled with and gotten through themselves. And when we help others, we help ourselves, which in turn helps us help others.

Even though it’ll soon be four years since my brother Joe died, I’m still learning every day how to cope. This year is particularly hard with the recent passing of my mother-in-law, whom I probably didn’t tell enough that I loved her, or how grateful I am for the daughter she made. But now I’m watching my wife and her siblings learn to cope with something that I struggled with - and still struggle with. I’m learning that helping them helps me.

My brother Joe was the definition of cool - older, blue eyes, strong, athletic, smart. He played roller hockey and chess, and was good at both.

He was everything I always wanted to be. I was about 10 or 12 when he bought his first bike. Imagine how your hero’s cool-rating skyrockets when you see him on a bike. This was sometime in the mid 70’s, so I haven’t yet found a pic of him on it (although he was also photographer and got me into photography). My guess is that it was a 1970-ish Honda. That’s him circa 1985 or ’86, on my first bike, a Honda 500.

Joe was smart, and kind, and patient, and thoughtful - important qualities when riding, especially those last two. I couldn’t have had a better role model. But I see now that Joe was too reserved (interpreted as “cool” by his kid brother!) for his own good. He rarely spoke, or asked for help. I literally don’t know if he struggled emotionally (I don’t think he did, but who knows) but I do know it was too late for help when he called to tell me he was sick. He'd be gone six weeks after that phone call. Did he know sooner? Did he think maybe something was wrong? Did he simply not tell anyone, or was afraid to investigate? Would we be riding together if he sought help sooner?

In Joe's case, I don't think he had much if anything in the way of symptoms before he felt the cancer taking hold, but by then it was too late.

Too many people, though, put things off and delay seeking medical or mental help, and that kind of procrastination isn't good for anyone.

Know the difference between "cool and quiet and independent" and "if I ignore this maybe it'll go away." 

Being quiet and thoughtful and patient and thinking before you speak is not a high bar. But don't keep things in. Share. Give help, and seek it.

Joe and I never got to ride together, but I feel like he rides with me now, and he’s helping me cope, which in turn helps me help others.

So I’m dedicating this year’s ride to everyone. We all struggle at some point, and we all need help, and we all are obligated to help others. We are all crew on the same boat.

Special thanks to Triumph, Movember, the DGR organizers and volunteers, and Cross Country PowerSports of Metuchen, NJ. Thanks to all of you and those not listed for pulling us together to help each other.

This is how we cope - together.

Side by side. Worldwide.

For those we love, and those we lost.

-mike

PS: That's me, trying to make Joe proud. Photo credit to my wife, Kathy, who still makes my heart beat.

I'm Riding for Men's Health in The Distinguished Gentleman's Ride

Thursday 21st Mar 2024 On Sunday the 19th of May 2024, I'm riding in The Distinguished Gentleman's Ride with fellow men and women across the globe to raise funds and awareness for prostate cancer and men's mental health on behalf of Movember. Men die on average 6 years earlier than women and for largely preventable reasons. The number of men that are suffering is growing, and we need to do something about that. So, before I press my tweed and polish my boots, I'm asking you to join me in raising funds and awareness for these causes by donating what you can for this meaningful cause and to help the men we love, live happier and healthier lives.